By Mikasha Dawson
On May 15, 2017 the world lost a beautiful Angel, my daughter Bianca Rose Capri Palek.
Bianca you were a beautiful individual both inside and out. I’m not saying this because you are my daughter but, is truly because you were the prettiest girl I had ever seen. You were smart. Your grades were always improving. You constantly received rewards such as high honors and the principal’s award. In fact, you just received the ambassador award this previous November. That’s an accomplishment that would make any parent proud.
You were very funny, silly and had a great sense of humor You had a laugh that was so contagious it would light up a room. And let’s not forget your caring nature.
Even at 15 years old you were ahead of your time. You had everything going for you. At least that’s what we thought.
I just don’t understand why you would do what you did.
You were happy, you smiled all the time. You wanted the best for everyone. You cared so much for people of all ages and individually.
You also cared for all animals and creatures of all sizes. You hated spiders but didn’t even like to see them hurt.
More importantly, you cared for your siblings, your nephew and the people you were closest to. Your heart was so big for all of us. You took care of yourself and cared a big deal about the way you looked even to the smallest details such as your nails.
You had always been a strong believer in God. I know you had a lot of faith. What I just learned is that you even told your best friend before hanging up the phone, “let’s pray”..
You even corrected us before church what is and not appropriate to wear.
Hurting yourself just couldn’t be right. You were even scared to get shots from the doctor.
You always had so much common sense. There is not a person who can say anything bad about you. You never drank, did drugs or even kissed a boy.
You were truly an Angel sent to Earth. Could it be you were just too good for this world?
Every day we would talk about your day and all your dreams. It is so hard to believe you are not here.
I miss watching house hunters, love it or list it with you. I miss our life.
Your father and I gave you the life i always dreamed of, and it was my deepest honor to have loved and spoiled you.
When my sister would ask me what I wanted out of life and I told her for things to be the way they are. Knowing you and your siblings had a good day made me complete.
I prayed multiple times throughout the day for you to remain safe. When I was having a bad day or, when life was at its breaking point, I would stop and reflect on Life, thanking God that you were healthy.
All I ever needed was for you to be happy. I couldn’t even watch or hear about a child getting hurt on the news. It would hit too close to home.
My life was devoted to keeping you safe from this world. Only a mother who lives and breathes for her children would know the depth of pain I’m experiencing.
I would never take back the 15 years I had with you. I am so blessed to have had a real life Angel as my daughter.
I cry all of the time because I want more of you. I couldn’t stand to stay one night away from you, I would worry if you ate, if you slept okay or if you needed anything.
Now all I have are our memories, which trust me, I’m happy to have.
Every day there is something that reminds me of you. I think about you every day, all day.
My greatest memories are the times we stayed up late, lying in bed talking or, the times we spent at the lake. These were our special times alone. Hours of swimming, doing deep dives at the bottom of the lake.
You and I would talk for hours about everything; your dreams, movies, your friends, people who you liked or people that annoyed you. I loved the things that made you happy.
You said if you ever came back as a mythical creature you would come as a mermaid. I cherished those times and if I had known this horrible thing was gonna happen, I would have cherished them more.
As your mom, I know you are in Heaven but, here I am still concerned about what you are up to.
I wonder if you think about me like I think about you.
I don’t know how I’m gonna feel tomorrow, better yet I do not know how I’m gonna feel minute by minute.
I don’t know how much pain I can bear. All I can say is I will try.
Having you as my daughter was the best thing that ever happened to me. I mean that from the bottom of my heart.
I will always be your mom. You gave me the meaning in my life I needed. I miss you so much, it’s so hard to be without you.
Mommy loves you so much my Bianca Rose.